Coping with various syndromes

Opinion

March 11, 2008

Anonymous The Cordele Dispatch Tue Mar 11, 2008, 06:47 PM EDT

By DON HOWELL

With some frequency drug manufactures sponsor commercials touting the results of their latest research and development. They go to great lengths to encourage the patient to demand that the doctor prescribe this latest wonder drug after the patient has performed his or her own diagnosis.

Most notably of late is a drug for restless leg syndrome. This medication is supposed to stop your legs from moving. To me, this sounds a little dangerous. Suppose nature calls around three a.m. and you have just dosed on the medication for rls. Could be a little embarrassing but I stray.

I keep hoping that someone will come up with a medication for some of my syndromes. Since I retired I need something for rrs. That is "restless rear syndrome." It strikes me around 11:50 a.m. on Sunday morning when the preacher is getting into his sermon. If I'm not preaching I have a tendency to start squirming and wiggling.

When I mentioned this to Sandy, she said, "now you know what the rest of us have been going through for the past forty-three years."

I also have dns which is daily nap syndrome. For some unexplainable reason I get the urge to take a nap around 12:45 p.m. I'm not sure I want a medication for this syndrome because it is not all together unpleasant and I can lie perfectly still in the absence of rrs.

There is another more sinister syndrome. It is eia syndrome, or "eat it all." I don't care what it is; I want to "eat it all." If Sandy brings in a Hershey's chocolate silk pie I am smitten with this undeniable urge to "eat it all."

I have also noticed this syndrome when she brings in Edwards Lemon pie or when she prepares strawberry shortcake. In the interest of science and for the betterment of mankind, I believe I will experiment with other foods, desserts in particular. I suspect there would be symptoms of eia upon an encounter with Little Debbies, Twinkies, Snicker bars, chocolate cake or Leann's oatmeal cookies. I won't know until I try.

There are other syndromes such as dsd which is "don't shave daily," and, fas which is "fiddle around syndrome." There is also dcg which is "don't cut grass" and iddw which is "I don't do windows."

So now you know. I have enough idiosyncrasies and syndromes to keep some enterprising drug company in business for a long time. As of the present, there are no medications for my special problems so I just suppose I'll have to suffer on.

So all you drug companies, get with the program. Just don't get in too big a hurry. I'm making out pretty well and I believe I can hang on for a few more months.

Text Only

Opinion

Former track star humbled
Dear Editor:
I truly appreciate the Cordele Dispatch allowing me this space today to extend a “thank you” forty years late.

May 12, 2012
Mr. Man is peculiar
Men are peculiar creatures. I suppose, now that I’ve laid that provocative declaration on the table, you’ll want solid proof to back it up, though proving it will not be a difficult task; all I have to do is point to…Mr. Man.

May 10, 2012
Life, liberty, and .….accessories?
Spartanburg, South Carolina, is not the cultural center of the universe. I am qualified to make that statement based on my experiences in Spartanburg which include The Hearon Traffic Circle, The Midnight Sun, and Wofford College.

May 9, 2012
Watch for motorcycles
Editor:
May is recognized as Motorcycle Safety Awareness Month, and Leather and Lace MC would like to take this opportunity to address both safety and awareness.

May 7, 2012
Mr. Man and childhood obesity
Mr. Man has a fat grandson. The kid lives in Texas, so we rarely see him, but according to pictures on Facebook, he is fat.

May 3, 2012
Life, liberty, and .….springtime?
Spring is officially here. I don’t care about the calendar, the baseball season, the basketball playoffs, Easter, when the Confederate Jasmine blooms, when the robins come through, when the sand hill cranes fly, or what the temperature does.

May 2, 2012
TSPLOST questions & answers
What does TSPLOST stand for?

April 28, 2012
Victim thanks officers
(A story about a robbery at gunpoint ran in Thursday’s Cordele Dispatch. As is the paper’s policy, the victim was not identified. He submitted a letter of thanks, but asked that he still not be identified.
We are honoring his request because of the circumstances. Sheriff Donnie Haralson and other officers know who he is).

April 24, 2012
Life, liberty, and …vacations?
Vacations are a time to get away and escape the humdrum of your normal life. Some couples I know like to take a trip about once a quarter, just get out of town.

April 19, 2012
Mr. Man and spilled milk
We’ve come a long way, baby, but women are still second class citizens...I haven’t heard Helen Reddy roar in quite a while.

April 18, 2012
More Opinion Headlines

Opinion

Search Results

Coping with various syndromes

Do you agree with President Obama's support of gay marriage?

Site Map

Contact Us