Mr. Man gets meaner

Opinion

December 20, 2012

Mr. Man gets meaner

Jan Wells Cordele Dispatch The Cordele Dispatch Thu Dec 20, 2012, 08:30 AM EST

Cordele — Is it my unwarranted paranoia, or have the rest of you noticed that males are getting meaner? Even L’il Man, the chocolate Pomeranian, has been extra snappy lately.

This morning, Mr. Man asked if I planned to write a little story this week…apparently he is worried about losing his fan base.

Thinking for a second, I replied, “I don’t know…you haven’t said anything funny lately.”

Mr. Man responded with his usual quick wit, “Well, how’s this for funny…you’re the only woman I know who is so big on top AND bottom, it’s hard to tell if you’re coming or going.”

You’ll have to use your imagination to know what he said instead of bottom…but either way, it was plain mean. I’m thinking his prostate may be the cause of this extraordinary meanness.

Just the other day, I happened to be standing in the foyer at the bottom of the stairs, when L’il Man tumbled down them, lickety-split.

Luckily for L’il Man, I was there to catch him; otherwise he might have hit the wall and broken his neck.

Mr. Man, it turns out, had pushed the little fella down the stairs.

“Why’d you do that?” I screamed, petting L’il Man to calm him. “You could have killed him!”

Mr. Man stood his ground at the top of the stairs. There was no remorse in his voice.

“The little blankety-blank jacked his leg in my man cave.”

I looked at poor L’il Man, who shook like a leaf on a windy day. Admittedly, his behavior was inappropriate, but not a capital offense.

Yep, Mr. Man is getting meaner by the hour, but he is not alone. Look at all the meanness going on around us.

It’s a shame we have to speak of such inconceivable horror at any time of the year, but especially at Christmas. Still, we may as well go ahead and talk about the elephant in the room…the massacre of innocent children and teachers in Connecticut.

We’d all like to know what is behind the onslaught of mass, senseless murders in recent years. What exactly happened between 1950 and the turn of the century to make life go topsy-turvy?

If you think about it, until the Columbine incident in 1999, we freely went to school, the movies, shopping, and parades without wondering if some hair-brained idiot would drop in and blow us away with an arsenal of deadly weapons.

What’s next…the Piggly Wiggly?

Most of my friends believe these horrible events occur because we took God out of our schools. I agree…we no longer put the fear of God into kids.

But that’s only one aspect of it. Another issue is that we took the paddle out of the principal’s hand….the paddle that once kept the boys in line.

The thought of keeping boys in line brings up another point. It’s never a girl wielding an assault rifle… always a boy. The D.C. snipers, the mall shooter, the Columbine perpetrators, the Virginia Tech monster…all males.

So what’s going on to make our men meaner? Some experts contend that aggressive women are at the root of the phenomena…causing men to act out in order to establish their masculinity.

That could be. Or, it could be that the Communists are sneaking something funny into the cattle feed…men do eat a lot of beef.

I’ll try putting Mr. Man on a vegetarian diet, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll send him to a urologist.

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